Scare Yourself Silly

by on Oct 15th, 2018

Part of the charm of Halloween is watching some of the worst movies ever put on screen. Yes, bad Halloween movies are a staple of the Halloween tradition. Nothing beats watching scared teenagers getting slashed at Camp Crystal Lake, cars becoming sentient or even watching aliens squirming their way out of butts. So here is a list of 10 of our favourite thrillers, horrors and all-around WTF Halloween movies.

Mom and Dad:

From the director of Crank, this movie is all about a static being transmitted through TV’s and radios which makes parents want to kill their children. This movie is listed as a Black Comedy, which is a genre it does quite well. For all the corny plot, it is genuinely funny — and gruesome —at times, and not just because Nicholas Cage is ridiculous (but that helps, A LOT). This one isn’t for people who can’t handle watching parents murdering their children. If it wasn’t clear, there’s a lot of that.

VVS Films

Clown (2014):

Clowns are evil. Hard stop. That is essentially the plot of this movie. A hard-working real estate agent finds a clown costume in a house he’s selling, and when a clown skips out on his son’s birthday party he takes up the mantle. Unfortunately, he falls asleep in the costume and it attaches itself to his skin. Yea, you probably guessed, this dude becomes a demon clown and starts murdering kids. The story is written off as an old Scandinavian legend about a creature that isn’t in any kind of actual lore, but they come up with something that is comprehendible at least. This is produced by the same person who made Hostel, so that should give you some context on the brutality of this movie.

Dimension Films

Sci-Fi

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018):

This movie doesn’t need to soil Cloverfield’s good name. It just wants to. This movie starts off trying to do something cool, the world is in an energy crisis and some scientists need to go to space and activate a power generator which will funnel energy to Earth. Far-fetched, but we’ll bite. It starts to get a little odd when the power generator sends them to another dimension after a misfire. Then the crazy cheesy stuff starts happening. This alternate universe clearly doesn’t want those travellers there because it keeps trying to expel them, by killing them of course. This movie is less of a horror/thriller and more of a comedy after a certain point. Then to tie it all back to Cloverfield, there’s five seconds where we see monsters.

Netflix

Event Horizon (1997):

Is it possible to get a worse version of the Cloverfield Paradox? Yea actually, Event Horizon. This movie’s whole plot is that a new technology is developed to fold space for faster than light travel. Everything goes wrong when that tech takes them straight to hell. Literal hell. Obviously everyone goes crazy and people die and it’s a fun time. This movie really is the kind of thing you have to see to believe. However, you might have more questions coming out than you did going in. If you’re just here for the crappy CG and the weird space horror story, then you’re definitely in the right place.

Paramount Pictures

Alien Vs. Predator (2004):

We ask, whose idea was it to pit these two against each other?! For sci-fi fans there’s nothing better than seeing these two at odds. Though you would think it would happen in space… So essentially, people have discovered a hidden pyramid in Antarctica, they go in, they find Aliens. The Aliens start killing people, then Predators come in and start killing people, then aliens and predators start killing each other and the people. Needless to say there is a lot of killing, and a lot of ridiculous plot points. But overall, it’s a fun movie to not think about too much, and there’s a pyramid under the ice in Antarctica, so that’s cool.

20th Century Fox

Found Footage

Quarantine (2008)

Where to begin with this one… A found footage movie that really does a service to the genre. To sum it up, a building is quarantined due to an outbreak, people are attacking other people, there’s a camera kill (these are genuinely funny moments). You know, typical found footage stuff. This movie is ridiculous, in the best kinds of ways.

Screen Gems

All Hail The King

Dreamcatcher (2003):

They’re aliens, in your butt. What’s not to love? This is Stephen King at his strangest, and that’s saying something. There’s a group of telepathic dudes stuck in a quarantined forest, there are alien larvae that eat their way out of people’s large intestine and a big alien that possesses some people and just eats others. It’s a lot to take in but Morgan Freeman is in it, and at the end of the day it’s a Stephen King story, so the ridiculousness of it all is kind of hilarious.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Christine (1983):

Cars really shouldn’t be the villain in your horror movie. Sentient vehicles tend to make for ridiculous plot points. That doesn’t mean this movie isn’t awesome. A 1950’s Plymouth driving around murdering people makes for a surprisingly entertaining movie. Not to mention the movie feels Grease-y. That’s a good way to put it, Christine is Emo-Grease with a self-healing, jealous girlfriend —we mean car.

Colombia Pictures

Maximum Overdrive (1986):

So, since we’re talking about evil cars, we might as well cover that REALLY bad Stephen King car movie. In King’s directorial debut and finale, we follow a world that has inanimate objects come to life and turn homicidal. Picture the Transformers movies but worse. The main antagonists in this movie are a semi with a huge Green Goblin on the front, and a military truck that demands diesel. This movie really has it all, sentient machines, senseless violence, rocket launchers and aliens. Yep, he managed to squeeze those in there too.

De Laurentiis Entertainment Group

IT (1990):

Since we’re on the King train, we better talk about the terror that is IT. After seeing the deeply unsettling portrayal of the demon clown by Bill Skarsgård, Tim Curry’s Pennywise just can’t hold up. Pennywise is more clown than monster in this movie, being actually laughable in many of the scenes he’s in. This movie is also victim to its release date. We’re certain that in the 90’s it was genuinely freaky but now it’s genuinely funny.

Warner Bros. Television

BONUS!

Pretty much every horror movie you’ve never heard of on Netflix or Amazon Prime. There are hundreds of terrible, laughable and just plain bad horror movies on both of these platforms. Unless you start watching you’ll never know which are which.